The latest bit of greenery to join local pop yoga fanatic Kelsie Grenard’s apartment is sincerely hoping to outlast its previous appointee.
The hardy sansevieria was last seen cowering in the corner, being subject to serenades, overwatering, and a serious lack of sunlight.
“So I grew up in this beautiful nursery right. Then I get shipped off halfway round the country without so much as a chance to pack my soil with me,” the disgruntled houseplant began.
“And then, like, being at the hardware store I ended up at was pretty rough…but geez, this poorly thought out apartment situation, it’s next level stuff,” it said, terrified.
As an impulse buy after the former plant carked it from being supplied weekly with enough fertiliser and water to keep a wheat farm running for a year, the sanseviera is at this point happy to just survive for the next few months.
Early twenty-something Kelsie is far more confident in her new family member sticking around though.
“These plants, they’re my babies!!” she squealed.
“I just love them so much, and you know, like how they filter your air indoors and stuff? Apparently they’re heaps better than crystals for that sort of thing though. Ooh actually excuse me I should probably go water it again, it’s been more than an hour now!”
The Absent Beer 